Let tears take out all the agony that is hidden inside you, and let laughter ignite your contagious joy

From my friendster archives dated 4/29/2011

On this day of your life, Flor, we believe God wants you to know … that it’s time you cleansed yourself with laughter and with tears. Let tears take out all the agony that is hidden inside you, and let laughter ignite your contagious joy.

This is one of my favourite applications in one of the networking site I hang with, the message itself really slaps me, it’s been too long that I hide all the loneliness inside I covered it with laughter. Maybe it’s the pride that brought me in this miserable life that I have now. These past months I’ve been so many hardships in my life especially in so what called “LOVE”. Its not easy to pretend that you’re fine in front of everybody when know deep inside you were totally hurt, it’s not easy to let go of someone who’s been a part of you and dream of to be with him as we grow old but things change everything becomes so blurry. I felt that everything was all lies and I don’t know already which of those are true. For the past days I’ve been thinking so much of my situation, I break every detailed of it and ask myself “Where did I gone wrong?”. I’ve been holding the relationship for so long, looking for a chance that we can still fix it. I’ve been asking him to erase to all doubts in my mind but he refused to give it and I don’t know why?. Sometimes all I want is to sit in one corner and cry so that all the burden within will be easier to carry on. But I know one day everything will be fine in GOD perfect time.

I had a great time last night I have experience again the grace of my amazing GOD. Its been a long time I'm hoping that there's someone who will invite me again on that kind religious event which I used to do during my college days. I miss my GOD for a very long time though I'm still taking to HIM everyday but still I feel something lucking in my life, it was beautiful feeling when your heart is being touch by his amazing grace. Kuya Lhars such a blessing to me maybe he's an instrument send to me by GOD because he knows that I need him so much. I like their community it was called "LIVING WATERS" because they are so friendly, they are approachable enough to the new people like us to their community that you wouldn't feel that you're new to their circle. After the event I feel much better I give everything to GOD all the fears and pains in my heart. And I'm looking forward again to join regularly to their community to experience again the amazing grace of MY GOD.


Thank You so much LORD...


Glory to GOD to the highest...

Saying Goodbye

Haizzzz… As I much as I can I’m trying to understand why those things happened in my life. Lies are the caused why my life is miserable right now. Why the good relationship I have been nurtured for a long time was failed. He’s been asking for a chance but everytime I think the situation that we had it’s really hard to make a decision, maybe because the fear was still there or the pain is too novel. I’ve already forgiven him to all the lies he told me, hatreds are faded already but even how I tried to go back the way we used to be but still I can’t. Letting him go it’s not an easy he is not only a boyfried to me but he’s also a confidant. He was the person who was there the time in my life when everything seems to be falling. He gived the strength while I was walking on the darkest time in my life, he used to be my light. That’s the reason I still want to build the friendship with him again. I don’t want to lose the respect I have for him because he has done so much in my life. I know in God’s hand everything will be alright. And I'm still wishing that we still have a happy ending.

Boredom..wink...wink..

From my archives in my friendster blogs 4/25/10

I want to write something because I don’t understand what happened of my life now. I felt so bored in my life that I came to the point that I don’t like to wake up on the next day because I felt that there’s nothing to look forward. Such a bad feeling everytime you woke up when there’s nothing to hope for. I’m looking my worth in my life; recently I just feel that even in my own family that I don’t see my worth…haizzzzz. Everyday I laughed with the people around me, giving jokes with them even though I’m not fine at least I make them happy. I don’t understand why I feel this way recently maybe because once again I was victim in love..hahaha..mao diay..haha… I admit the burden of losing him is still here thatswhy I can’t make myself happy. He’s still crosses in my mind and still I can’t afford myself to go in places where we used to be because the memories that we had can make me cry and I really miss him. Haizzz I know someday I gonna be alright.

Last night while I’m still in the office I read book of Bob Ong because I’m not in the good mood to work instead to commit errors its more better to read the life of Bob Ong. It’s really quite entertaining the way he writes he’s adventures in his life.

Who’s on TRIAL – GOD or YOU?

When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In god whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid (Psalm 56: 3-4)

Whenever tragedy strikes, it’s easy to harden our hearts and cry out, “God, why did you let this happen? Have you ever caught yourself calling God to account? Have questioned the way He seemed to be working in your life?” If we could but see life from God’s perspective, how different our attitudes would be. How much more quickly could we grasp the plan that lies just beyond our reach? How much more could we trust, realizing that His way is better than ours because He sees the end from the beginning? Ultimately the answer lies in one word - TRUST. God loves us and we can entrust to Him our lives, hopes even our futures. When difficulty knocks, it’s we who are on trial – not GOD. The more you know about the character of GOD, the easier it will be for you to say, “God knows best and I’ll trust HIM no matter what”

-message on me on that day..

“You can complains why the rose has thorns or you can appreciate why thorns has rose”

10/12/2009 archives from my friendster blogs..hehe

“There are certain points in our life in which we don’t know who we are, and we don’t know were to go and so many questions left unanswered. Guys, if you are in this lieu of your life don’t be afraid, just look up above and I’m sure you gonna find the answers”.

–These words of encouragement are what I have heard today from my favorite DJ while I was listening in their station. The reasons behind why I always listened into her program not because she have a good choice of music but also this woman will always gave words of enlightenment everyday to her listeners. Maybe this woman think that thru her program she can help to those people whose morale are down and really needed to someone to help them to clear up their minds from confusion. Well for me, she really do because they were times that I felt so down and very confused on things going on. In her own little way, she really helps me to clear up my mind and understand why those things really happen in life. Coz as we go along in this journey called life each of us has our own battle that we need to fight. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lost. And every time we fall we always believed that we can’t stand anymore after those pains. I had my share of pains and triumphs in life. In my own battle I also lost neither once nor twice but many times, and every time I lost in my own game. To elude in my own world is all in my mind because I will admit I am a coward I don’t want to face those pains but time comes that I became tired of running out from those pains all I want to do is to fell and endure the pains. Most of the times I cried and asked God why all those things happened, what I have I done to deserve these pains but GOD loves never surrendered me. He just let me cry and hold me to stand up again. And that’s makes me stronger and valiant to face those dilemma ahead of me. And I know that he is with me always, wherever life takes me.
And besides, GOD give us friends, whom we can turn to if we fell that we can’t take it anymore. But GOD itself is there ready to listen all your hangs up in life, his hands are ready to hold you every time you fall and helps you to stand up again. Hehehe (drama galore).. Trust in HIM guys don’t be AFRAID.. okies…
By the way, the woman that I’ve talking with you guys is DJ Pamela in ABS-CBN fm station. I really don’t know this woman personally but for me she is one of kind .

pain..pain...

Here I am again trying to paint a smile in my face but deep inside the pain banging inside, tears periled to fall but I try to hide it from the people around me. I don’t know who’s to blame, is it -myself for being so hard or the person who hurt me. I was staring the monitor in front of me but my mind wasn’t there, I was intently breaking down the situations and the things happen in my life but it seems I have a hard time in varying things…hahay. Yeah, I am bit tired with this confusion that I have, the two persona of myself tells different things and I don’t know which one to follow and all I want to do is to set back and shut up…hahay…Blogs..

To my ever beloved Mama..

I don’t know what wrong with me why I suddenly miss my mom maybe because this Sunday will be the day for all moms. A thought of my Mama brings a smile in my face, she’s pretty like me, she’s very kind and very understanding. She’s the first person who will fight me till the end, the first person who will be hurt if somebody would try to hurt me. I remember how she tries to encourage me when everything around were falling down. She was there to lift me up everytime I’m about to give up. She was there everytime I cry and will cry with me also everytime I can’t smile anymore. Her love is pure and unconditional. I’m not a vocal person I don’t even say I love you to her everyday. I just hope that she can feel the love I have for her.

To My Everdearest Mama, Happy Mothers To You and I Love You.

Holyweek trip with my family..

The hanging bridge..hehe..

It's holy week again its time to repent from the wrong things that we've done through the year. We have 2 days vacation from work and I enjoyed it spending with my family. My sister decided that we go to the Sky Island Resort which located at Gaas Balamban, at first I was hesistant to go to the place my question is "What I'm gonna do to a deserted place?". But my mother forced me to go with them or else I will be left alone in our home and for sure that will be so boring. As we reach our destinatiom I was greatly amazed by the place, it was so beautiful everywhere you turn your head you can see mountains and a lot of trees. Beside from that a lot people were also there maybe to spend their vacation too. Great entertainments who like adventure were present like a zipline, a cable car, a very long slide and hanging brigde. First we cross the hanging bridge that I thought im gonna die when I was already at the center since I have a fear on heights…haha..but im glad that I make it to the other end of bridge that im suddenly become proud of my self…hahaha. Then we stroll the place it was really beautiful my cousins decided to take a ride on the zipline but  I decided to a big no, no, maybe this time I really gonna die,haha… But in the Cable Car I don't have any choice than to ride it with my nephews co's its gonna a big shame on me..hahaha. It was a death defying ride in my side because I have fear on heights but everytime I look on my nephews oh my god they're having fun..haha... I want to post some pics of the place it was really great...

The Cable Car..

Rustles of New Years Eve

Lights are shimmering roughly

Peoples around seems to be happy

Some of them were singing

...and some were dancin'

Beers and liquors were flowing

I was standing in the corner

...catching the moments

Holding a glass of wine

Enduring the emotions assaying to burst within

Trying to have fun with the people besiege me

Moments had passed

But seems everyone still had fun

I deplume myself from them

I turn my head and stray my eyes around

To ascertain the beauty of the place

It was New Years Eve

The cold breeze of wind embraces my whole being

I was daze the gleaming city

...miles away from me

In haste the memories fall in

The man whom I care so much

Happy memories rush in

And how I miss him every now and then

A smile sheer in my lips

But tears flow

Co’s while I was staring

...the city miles away from me

Realization recoil me

That you're too far from me now

Solitariness eloped thyself

As I deign in this boulevard of broken promise

--one year had been passed since I wrote this poem specially for someone and that someone right now is been a good friend of mine...

Silent Cry of the Heart

You sit next to me

With the eyes that’s so lonely

Then I ask you Why?

Without any word you just embraced me

And you said “SHE LEFT ME”

I’m speechless

I can’t think of any soothing words

To allay your burden

I embraced you so tight

I ask myself why did she left him so easy

As I look into your weary eyes

Shadows of pain is there

Half smiling you said maybe I’m not good to her

I just hold your hand and smiled at you

And said maybe you are too good for her

You just sigh

Pain is all over in your eyes

As I stared with your nostalgic face

I wanted to tell you

How much I love you

And how painful is everytime you were with me

But you were talking about her

How much you love and treasured her

And why you can't see all those pains

Maybe Im just a mirror of a friend for you

Someone you can lean on to

Someone who can make you smile

Someone who will always be there when you cry

But, it will always be like this?

Loving and hoping that someday

You're gonna be mine…

Song of my Life

Sitting here in the shell of my paradise

Staring the leaves gracefully dances

Of the song whispered by the wind

A smile sheer in my lips

Co’s, I remember your face smiling at me

I can still hear your laughter carried by the wind

I love your eyes, and the way they look at me

Cos they say the words that I really love to hear

I love the way your hands holding mine

Co’s  it  completes me

Just a thought of you brings a different song in my life

I just can’t believe that I’m in your arms now

Cos long time ago, I was all alone in my shell

Then you came to save me in my solitary world

You are the reason in every smile that sheer

                                Co’s you bring a life this once wistful heart of mine

Somewhere in Between

Tears were about to fall down

The time you walk into my world

You smiled at me and I felt so ashamed

You make my world so idyllic

Then, out of the blue all my troubles were gone

You name my tears into laughter’s

You are the reason in every smile

That sheer on my lips

You conveyed every happiness that linger with in

Unknowingly, you make this heart of mine to live again

Every day you put a life in every sense of me

Before I closed my eyes at night

I whispered a little prayer that it will last forever

But as the wind bristles from east to west

As the bees kissed in every flowers that blooms

And bequeathed them on their very eye

As the Barbara Streisand song “Some good things never last”

You suddenly flee in my arms

Tears cascade from my eyes

As I watched you walking away from me

I try to hold your hand and call your name

But you never turned at me

I tightly closed my eyes

And hope it was just a dream

But when I slowly opened my eyes

Hope to see you at my side

But you already gone

Tears keep on falling as it will never ceased

Twinge shatters my soul

Out of obliviousness, I ask questions

I yell and weep in the darkness

Melancholy enfold my bemused world

In silence I seek answers to myself

But you’re gone

And I’m left here somewhere in between

Song to heaven

As I stand in this valley solitariness

Watching the sun going down to the west

A sham smile sheer in my lips

While my tears slowly goes down

Co’s I remember the time when I was still with you

I was so happy back then

You’re the reason in every laughter comes

You cast every smile that sheer in my face

You stir my life with happiness

You inspired me somehow with your life

And lead me to continue my fight

You spur me not to cede with my dreams

But time comes you have to go

And I left behind

As I watched you walking away from me

Tears flows as it never ceased

Pain sheds into the core of thy soul

Days had passed since the day you’ve gone

But the pain of missing you

Still banging my soul

Everyday, I embraced the pain

I defied every loneliness eluded my world

Until the day comes

That I felt the pain slowly blown away

And all the happy memories

When i was still with you

sated all the pains within

And i whisper my song to heaven

That someday if our way will cross again

I hope you can still remember me

        ………..even as your old friend…

Whisper of a Lost Soul

Words are seem so hard to find

My mind was caught between bewilderment

I deny the burden clinches within

But the pain keeps tearing me within

Tears fall, as I walk in this lonely crossroads of life

Lost and no one else to hold

Regrets is all in my mind

My broken soul whispers her song to heaven

Uncertainty strikes to the very core of thy self

Diverse voices besieged in my head

Again tears fall, as I cast myself out of nowhere

Shadows of pain still banging my soul

Trying to identify the voices that whisper in my head

Again and again, tears fall

As I whisper in vanity “God which one is You”

As I grasp my way back to my sanity

Tears fall, as I back in the arms of grace..

--inspired by the song of lifehouse breathing...hehe

From a Afar

Staring at you from a afar

A smile sheer in my lips

Then you smile at me

Right there and then, I was stunned

But in a moment tears fall

Cos certainty strikes me in then

I hate way you speak my name

Cos it sound a sweet music to my ear

I hate the way you ask me if I’m ok

The way you caress my back

Everytime tears shed in my eyes

I hate the way you look at me

Cos I saw something with them

Or I just fooling myself

And everyday I hate myself

Cos I cant stop myself falling with you

I closed my eyes tightly

Hoping that it was just a dream

And pain is just an illusion

Slowly I opened my eyes

Hoping that everything will be fine

Tears fall co’s from afar

You’re holding the hand of someone you loved

hmmmmm..Happy New Year..

For the first time this christmas I ask something for myself…hehehe..mostly man gud i dont have wished every christmas maybe because i dont believe that it will happen..hehehe..but this time i dont know..hehe..maybe im so sad and i want to be ok.


And 2010 will be coming im just a bit excited for the new happenings that may happen in my life. And Im just really hope that everything will be fine this year and sana sana sana I will be fine..sabi nga nya I will be better in time..huhuhu..and Im really hoping but i know i will..hehehe..Last night i read something that really makes me i dont know..mixed emotions..that made me think whos the one hes been talking but i know dili to ako..sakit pa japon cya..but i know i will be fine..huhu..Everyday its hard to pretend im fine though sometimes i am but still there will times that he still crosses my mind…hmmmmmmm…its hard but slowly i tried to accept na hes meant for me..hay im sleepy..hahahah…walay kwenta i just to write cos i want to express the emotions i have..hehehe..


Happy New Year everyone..hehe

Someday its gonna makes sense..

It's been a long time since the last time I updated my blogs not because I'm busy cos honestly I'm not..hehe..maybe because I'm just tired of my life..naks naman..hehe..or maybe because many things happened in my life and I don’t know which one of those i want to write because its not the happy one. Many things happens and many tears Ive been cried for these past months and i dont know why it happens cos its just happens.nyahaha…ang gulo naman..kasi my mind right now is very confused cos i really don’t know what to write..hahaha..last night while were having our dinner break my officemates keep on teasing on me about my new friend i just laugh with them and told them na wala iyon. cos honestly wala na ngud maybe were just having fun with each other talking nonsense things but i thank him cos kahit papano i really enjoy his company. But last night after i talk to jerry our counselor..hahaha..i really open to him what i really felt right now in my life for the past months i was really confused the real situation with someone who very dear to me. A part of me tells that just enjoy the moments while hes here but a small voice also tells me papano ka pag alis niya..you wouldn't be hurt, you wouldn’t be cry..a stupid part of me tells just cross the bridge when you get there..naks I'd like to slap myself just to wake up this stupidity. Until one night god answers my questions it was really a big bang to me parang sinampal ni lord sa akin ang sagot..parang ang sabi nya “O ayan heto na..what else you want para ma wake up ka anak”huhuhu..that night i saw the pics of someone whom I love with the another girl lang naman..hehe..it takes one night for me to cry..huhu..but probably the last tear i may cry…kasi ayoko ko na…hehe…


Honestly its really painful but what else i could do nandiyan na iyan rather to accept the fact that we are really not meant to be..I dont hate him for doing that to me cos i learn somethng from that painful experience i have..and it made me stronger..hmmmmmm..

Behind all my struggles..

Its been a long time since the last time I updated this blog, just a moment ago i felt the urge to write again. Last year and this year many things happened in my life, some were good while others are not. This year I someone break my heart so badly, I came to the point that I told myself I don’t want to fall in love again but then I was wrong someone came, even how i tried to push him away because at first its too complicated and I really don’t know how to handle the situations. When you know the possibilities that you can hurt so many young hearts..hehe.. but he’s still there. He makes me so special and beautiful (kahit bola iyon..hehe..) but still it makes me smile, he opens my heart again and then he teach me to love again.hehe…thank you bei..


One week after the formal relationship I was being test by someone above after our Physical exam I was diagnosed that I have some patches in the lungs. Right there and then my world became so dim I really don’t know what to do, with all the plans in my mind but in a split of a seconds it was all vanished. At first it was really hard for me to accept my situation but I have to be strong.


I told John about it, I’m glad that he’s still stays in my side. I felt blessed because he was still there through out my medication though hes not on my side but i really felt his presence. I’m also blessed with friends because I saw the care in them the time they my know situation they became my strength through out this storms hit me. As of now, I undergo 2 months medication, i felt it so bad taking my medication, everyday the feeling of vomiting then no appetite of the foods I know I lost weights but I have to pursue this para gagaling ako for my bei, my friends and parents maybe they still need me.


The Lord above is my courage and strength to continue to fight this battle, I know he has a reason why it needs to happen, I know 1 day i can find answers Ive been looking.

The fruit of all my hardship..

After 2 months of all my hardship taking my med at last it has a good result, I thank GOD for the strength he give everytime I felt the pain inside, the people who are always there to support me, and of course my bei who never left me in time of my trouble…hehe.. I felt so blessed to have him in my life. Sometimes I ask the Almighty one why I have this burden but everytime I think the people that besiege me I can still manage to say that im still blessed despite of everything.

When everything is just so BLURRY

For many months confusion strikes my life so much that I came to the point which I dont know which one to believe, I heard different opinions from my friends but I’m so glad that i listen to them and I didn’t listen only my heart I’m so blessed that I have them. GOD still loves me after a long run my savior revealed me the truth, as what Ive expected the truth hurt me so much, it feels like I was ripped inside but I cant do anything rather to accept the fact and be strong. This new experienced in my life teach me so many things, next time i know i will be more extra careful…I know GOD will never leave me…

Nice meeting You again…

Its been a year since the last time I saw you, I heard a lot of things about you, how successful you are and how far you have been. I didn’t mean to feel this way I am happy with your achievement cos i know you deserve that. But today I saw with someone else, I am missing you somehow though I know I don’t have the right to feel this way. I don’t understand why I feel a different sadness seeing you both, many questions been running in my mind, things like: What if I didn’t let you go before, maybe I am happy now. Tears periled to fall the time you both walk away from me, I don’t understand why? why? Why? I want to cry and yelled maybe maybe I am frustrated right now in life or maybe I just really miss you and I cant have you because you already have someone else in your life…


Your face keeps running in my mind, your smile still rings in my ear…..haizzzzzzzzzzzz

Let tears take out all the agony that is hidden inside you, and let laughter ignite your contagious joy

On this day of your life, Flor, we believe God wants you to know … that it’s time you cleansed yourself with laughter and with tears. Let tears take out all the agony that is hidden inside you, and let laughter ignite your contagious joy.




This one of my favorite applications in one of the networking site I hang with, the message itself really slaps me, its been too long that hide all the loneliness inside i covered it with laughter. Maybe it’s the pride that brought me in this miserable life that I have now, these past months Ive been so many hardship in my life specially in so what called “LOVE”. Its not easy to pretend that you’re fine in front of everybody when know deep inside you were totally hurt, it’s not easy to let go of someone who’s been a part of you, and dream of to be with him as you grow old but things change everything becomes so blurry, I felt that every things are all lies and I don’t know already which of those are true. For the past days Ive been thinking so much of my situation, I break every detailed of it, I ask myself Where did I gone wrong?. Ive been holding the relationship for so long, looking for a chance that we can still fix it, Ive been asking him for one thing to erase to all doubts in my mind but he refused to give it and I don’t know why?. Sometimes all I want is to sit in one corner and cry so that all the burden within will be more easier carry on..




I left everything to GOD cos I know one day he will show me the way…

Music is my life..

Yesterday I was having fun strolling at ayala center cebu even though I was alone…hehe…I enjoyed watching people who are very busy in choosing the sale items from clothes down to shoes and dats includes me…hahaha. Around 7 pm in the evening I already felt a tingling sensations of tiredness around my feet…haha, so I decided to go to the terraces to rest for a while and to have drink as well, I was about to pass the entertainment area when I heard a beats of drums so I settle for a minute to look who’s performing in the stage. It was one of the local bands here in cebu, I was definetly amazed the kind of music they have, it was more on alternative rock songs which happen to be the genre of my music…hehe…maybe that’s one of the reasons why I stay there even though my feet are really tired. Aside from that the vocalist was exceptionally good but whats really catches my attention was the drummer itself because he is really good, I really love every beat came from his instrument. It feels like it brings a different emotions within me and I don’t what is it..hahaha… or maybe I want enjoy cos I know theres something wrong in me at that time..hahaha…but somehow they’re really good, I love every music they played that I didn’t notice that its already 9pm in the evening and their vocalist is already denoting that their down to their last 2 songs and I really forgot about tiredness of my feet…

Confusion collides thyself..

Here I am again trying to paint a smile in my face but deep inside the pain banging inside, tears periled to fall but I try to hide it from the people around me. I don’t know who’s to blame, is it -myself for being so hard or the person who hurt me. I was staring the monitor in front of me but my mind fled somewhere elss, I was intently breaking down the situations and the things happen in my life but it seems I have a hard time in varying things…hahay. Yeah, I am bit tired with this confusion that I have, the two persona of myself tells different things and I don’t know which one to follow and all I want to do is to set back and shut up…hahay…