Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Inferiority strikes






Mixed emotions strikes me...at some time I was thinking I am inlove and in a while I am broken hearted...haha...

Some love stories ends while others just started, while some it has to end before it started....

Yes, I don't like this feeling I have right now. Inferiority strikes me, well it's not new to me to feel this, many times I've been in this struggle until such time I learn to smile at it but this time I can't handle the feeling anymore maybe because it is came from the person special to me. I wanted to shut up and sat down in the corner and the let the feeling be gone.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

A thought..













Just a thought ... I still don't have the heart to hurt you but once you set me free...

Thursday, October 25, 2012

New Environment


A week had been past from the last time I visit the place that I have stayed for more than a decade. Actually it's not an easy decision to leave the place kasi mabigat sa loob ko not because the place but because of the people that surrounds me. Co's I know I gonna truly miss them. But for some reasons and purposes I have to leave, and for the future wise also. As of the moment, I am coping with the new environment I have, though there are some friends who are still working in this new company also but it's a nice feeling to know new people. But the night shift it's not easy to cope...hahaha..specially between 3 am to 4 am sleepiness strikes every inch of my senses...hahaha..but maybe in the future I'm gonna used to it...

Friday, October 19, 2012

Boiling point...






2 Nights of not in the mood of everything, Yes! I am in the bad temper. It's been several times that I don't write of what I truly felt because I am protecting someone feelings. I don't know when I started taking care of this someone, maybe from the time that he became my confidante of everything. I started to know him deeply beyond the physical appearance I've seen from him. One morning, I just woke up that I have the feeling that I don't want to hurt him anymore.

Yes, I just thought that he was the one that can cure the pain in the past. And yes, I will admit that I started falling with him, everything was seemed alright, I started to smile and pain in the past slowly healed. But everything changed that time I feel that I was neglected, sometimes I demand time especially I felt that I am only second in the list. By then, I started to distance myself from him, it’s not easy at first, its painful to keep distance from someone who teach to smile again. Plus the fact that he is far, far, far away from me, and the experienced in the past teach me not to trust anyone immediately. 

Recently, I have so much regrets about my past, memories hunts me every now and then simply because I am frustrated with my life, seeing them happy it brings a different feelings to me because envy eloped my whole being. Because inside me wishing that someday I can also be happy like them and not because I still have feelings for them.

Judging my action without asking me and making his own conclusion just because of what he reads breaks my heart. And one thing that can burst my temper kung paringgan ako through quotes. Why you can tell me directly to my face so that I can answer you properly and not spreading of what you believed with others. As you said you want friendship then I can give what you want. Let's stop what we have now and continue with darn life. Maybe I can get used to it and maybe its time for me also to open again with someone. I'm tired putting reservation into myself just because I care so much with the person. I'm tired of doing of that. I want someone who will take good care of me.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Mother's Love...


I was browsing in the net when I saw this story, while reading this I can't help myself not to cry. It reminds of my ever dearest mom, her unconditional love toward us. And I'm thinking that her birthday is coming and thinking a gift for her.hehehe...


Lesson of this story while our parents still in our side. Let's show our care and love for them while we can still hug them...  



My mom only had one eye. I hated her, she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market.She collected little weeds and such to sell, anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment.There was this one day during elementary school. I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.
I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time.
Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.
That night...I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.
Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom.
This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!"... It was my mother...Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
And I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! Get out here now!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared. Thank good ness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.
Then a wave of relief came upon me... one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.
My Son,
I think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.
You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine... I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.' I miss the times when you were still young around me.
I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me. My world shattered! Then I cried for the person who lived for me. My Mother.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Mixed Emotions..







It's been a long time since I wrote something in this blog. Lately, I've been so numbed I can't think of anything, and worst of all I even stopped praying though every night I still have the time to talk with my GOD. I miss my GOD, the feeling that HE was there listening my hang ups in life, everytime I talked about some guys I meet along the way, or even the guy who sit next to me in the cab or even in the church...haha..(well I'm just a fool sometimes..) I miss the feeling that HE was touching my hair everytime I cried because someone hurt me. Guiltiness strikes me every way, I know I've done a lot things which is contrary in HIS way. But I know deep inside my GOD was waiting for me to comeback in his arms.


On the other side, I'm planning to write a tagalog poem for the first time...haha...I am inspired the song of Mr. Martin Nievera in titled Ikaw ang Lahat sa akin...it was a really a nice song...for the heart broken out there...haha... There's this line in the song that I feel so darn hurt I don't know why...haha..

                           "ikaw ang lahat sa akin,
                                 kahit ika'y wala sa aking piling
                                 isang magandang alaala
                                 isang kahpon, lagi kong kasama
                                 ikaw ang lahat sa akin
                                 kahit ika'y di ko dapat ibigin
                                dapat ba kitang limutin
                                pano mapipigil ang isang damdamin
                                kung ang sinisigaw
                               ikaw ang lahat sa akin"


O diba ang sakit ng bonggang bongga ang mga lines na ito...haha... One of my close friend in the office ask me "Why I am still single?" I answered him I don't know why,haha.. Then he told something that make me think for a while. 

                      "Ikaw naman kasi dai, sunod sunod kasi ng ngmahal hindi mo hinayaan ang self mo na totally ma recover from one pain, kaya ngayon hindi mo na alam paano mo paghilumin ang sakit ng nkaraan." 

Darn, it make me stop, and think for a while, there's this someone in my past that still hunt me every now and then. I can still remember the happy memories that we have, I miss his hand fitted with mine, his hugs, his kiss in my hair, his sweet nothings and everytime he sing a song for me. Haissttt...that even a simpliest song still lingers his memory and the funny thing ang kanta is...  
                 there's something for you at SM...nyahaha

Oh, diba kabaliwan lang...haha...but I want to start the tagalog poem I wanted to write...it's not really my forte actually, I preferred to write it in English kasi minsan may mga bagay ako tinatago sa bawat lines..

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Strangest smile






Dear Stranger,

Your smile is the sweetest smile I ever seen and it seems it captures a place in me. I know a part of me will always remembered you and maybe someday somehow our road will cross again and hopefully this time we will manage to say hi and not only exchanging our sincerest smile.


Hoping

Rolf_vans...

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Moving On





If were are deliberately hurt by someone special to us at they same we still incredibly in love with him/her, we tend to hang on into the relationship hoping we can still fix the damage and filled the void in it. We became deaf the words of advises from your friends, we choose to be blinded of the worst thing we see. We even give justification on what they do instead of scrutinizing it. And the funny thing about this, sometime we can even blame yourself why they cheated us rather than kicking them away in our life. I always heard this quote from Papa Jack that "Ang buhay natin, malaking trial and error ‘yan especially when it comes to love. The reality is walang formula ang pagmamahal. You let go, you fall in love." Yeah, it’s true walang tamang formula sa buhay at sa larangan ng pag-ibig, we stumble and then we learn to stand up again.

I also have a share experiences about love, heartaches and moving on. I stumble in the world of LOVE not only once nor twice but many times. I cried not only a bucket of tear but many of them and I also taste the fierceness of sleepless nights...haha. I witnesses how my friends cried over their broken relationships.

Why is it hard for us to move on from our previous relationships? And why we tend to linger the pain rather than leaving them.

1.) Acceptance.

As they said, the first thing to do in moving on is ACCEPTANCE. We always have a hard in accepting the fact "the hindi na pwde thing". The truth hurts us so much in accepting that we are not enough for them and we are not the reasons anymore the glints and smiles that we see in their eyes. And we are afraid of letting go the dreams we have painted that we gonna have a family and grow old together with man/woman.


2.) We always think that we cannot found someone better than them.

After the break up, first thing in our mind. What's life after this? How we gonna start again without them in our life? We came to the conclusion that we cannot found someone better than them that’s why we choose to cling on them even the pain shreds us everyday. But if you will just listened the small voice in you, you know you deserve someone much better.

3.) You're afraid of being alone.

If we are under the spell of love, we forgot our friends; we don't hang out with them anymore. We let our world surrounds with our special someone, that's the reason why we felt so alone the time they will leave us. But friends are friends, no matter what happens they will always be there for us. They are more than willing to listen with our pains and wipe our tear kahit may kasamang batok iyan.haha

4.) The fear of being to be at pain again.

Nobody wants to undergo pain and depression since these are the hardest emotions to deal with. Everytime you meet someone new, the fear from
the past will hunt you that this person might hurt you as well. We always forgot that the scars from the past will help to be stronger and wiser and teach us to love again.

I know moving on is not an overnight process it will take a long time to linger the pain before you can forget about it. It took you a lot of sleepless nights and tears before you can cope the loneliness of missing of that special person in your life. Why not take it slowly, live, endure and embrace the pain until such time it can’t affect you anymore. Let yourself cry walang naman mamatay dyan, isang araw mapapagod ka din,haha.. Then you started to smile again at tatawa ka na lang sa mga pinagdadaan mo. Kailan na ba ang tamang panahon na dapat tayo mag let go sa isang relationship. I saw this blog while I was browsing in the net I know it help that’s why I like to post this.

Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship

#1.  When you live in past memories more than the present.

Do you replay the happy moments of the relationship to make you feel good about it? Do you use them as reasons to continue on with him/her?
If so, it’s a sign your current relationship isn’t how you want it to be. I realized the more we live in the past memories and/or a self-created future, the more we are living in a self-created reality. This is dangerous since it’s not reflective of the actual state of the relationship.
You have to remember your relationship with the person exists in the current moment. Not in the past. Past memories should remain as memories and not as a reason to stay together. Your decision on whether to stay with the person should be based on your current feelings for him/her, the actual state of the relationship and the future you see with him/her.

#2.  When the relationship brings you more pain than joy.
Sometimes, we tend to be blinded by the past happy moments of the relationship. To the extent we forget about all the unhappiness it brings us. If your relationship leaves you frustrated/upset/unhappy more often than not; If your relationship is leaving you in tears every so often, perhaps this might not be the right person for you. The relationship you are in now should be one which brings you happiness now. Just like #1, if the main source of happiness of your relationship is from past memories, something is amiss.

#3. When he/she expects you to change.
The truest form of love is one that’s unconditional. Your partner shouldn’t expect you to change, unless it’s for your well-being (such as to quit smoking or to adopt a healthier diet). Some of my friends had ex-boyfriends who wanted them to change, such as to dress up more often to look prettier or to lose weight when said friend was of healthy weight. There was even one who actually suggested my friend to shave her arm and leg hair because he felt it a given for girls!

The issue here isn’t about you. The issue isn’t about the change itself either. The issue is about the expectation of you to change. While some requests may start off seemingly normal/benign, they will quickly build on over time. Even as you concede to the requests, more will come. It marks the first step of him/her trying to mold you into his/her expectations of you, rather than you growing into your own.

#4. When you stay on, expecting he/she will change.

The above applies for the other person as much as it applies for you. If you are staying on / getting into the relationship expecting the
person to change, you are in this for the wrong reason. You are trying to change the person to fit your expectations, rather than accept
him/her as the individual he/she is.

Even if the person does changes, soon you will have something else you want him/her to change. You will never be fully satisfied with how he/she is. The worst thing is, if the other person isn’t conscious, he/she will keep changing just to fit your expectations. In the end, he/she will just end up being your shadow.

This happened between my ex-best friend, K, and me. While we were not in a romantic relationship, some issues we faced in our friendship are probably similar to what others face in their romantic relationships. Through our friendship, I began to see him as an extension of me, rather than as a separate individual. K did not have a very strong self-identity at the time, so unfortunately he kept changing to fit what I wanted. In the end, he was became my shadow. After 10 years of friendship, we had to part ways, because it was the better path for us to grow as individuals – for him to grow into his own, and for me to grow into my own as well.

#5. When you keep justifying his/her actions to yourself.

Whenever we experience a situation we’re uncomfortable about, we
experience cognitive dissonance. It refers to the discomfort from
being faced with something that conflicts against our beliefs. When
this happens, we try to come up with explanations, justifications so
we can feel good about the situation.

This if we feel the need to justify an action, that means we are
uncomfortable with the action itself and we want to explain away the
discomfort. The danger behind this is that the explanations are
self-created and may or may not be true. If  you are repeatedly
justifying his/her actions, the relationship becomes built on your
rationalizations, rather than the reality. Likelihood is that you are
living in your world of false assurances rather than the truth.
#6. When he/she is causing you emotional/physical/verbal hurt.
Physical and verbal abuse are definite no-no’s. There is clearly
something wrong if the other party abuses/hits/curses/swears at you,
no matter how he/she tries to make up for it later. Even if it may be
the spur of the moment, the fact that he/she lets slip in that moment
shows there is something deep inside him/her that needs addressing.

Emotional hurt is trickier. A lot of people negate emotional hurt
because it’s not visible. Ignore it, and it’s not there. But emotional
hurt is hurt all the same, if not worse. The wounds that are hardest
to heal are the emotional ones, not the physical ones.

I was emotionally hurt by G when he flippantly led me on with his
words and behavior, even after I told him not to do it. This had a
lingering effect on me for years even after I broke away, which took a
long while to heal. Even though he may not have realized what his
words/actions did to me, the fact was that he wasn’t conscious enough
about my feelings to realize the hurt he was causing me.

The point of this example isn’t to persecute anyone, but to illustrate
that the other party should be someone who respects you and is
conscious enough of your feelings/well-being not to let you be hurt.
If he/she has caused you hurt, you need to bring it to his/her
awareness and address it together. Keeping mum about it is like
handing a free pass to let the hurting behavior continue. If the same
thing happens even after you have made efforts to address it, you need
to reevaluate the relationship. If he/she can’t care for you properly,
he/she might not be the right person for you.

#7. When the same situation/issue recurs even though you tried addressing it.

Once might be a coincidence. Twice, you might want to give another

chance. But 3 times is a clear sign something is wrong. I finally
realized nothing was coming out from the relationship between G and I
after our loop played out the third time. Each time, I did what I
could to make it work out, but it always stopped at the same end. It
was more than enough evidence that this was the end.

Do you find yourself in replay mode in your relationship? Do you keep
landing in the same situation, the same scenario, the same outcome,
time and again, no matter what you do? If so, perhaps you need to
accept this is the furthest the relationship can get to. You can keep
pressing on, but it’s a matter of time before it sinks in that there’s
nothing further to go. This is the end of the road. There is a future
for you and him/her, and this relationship isn’t the route to that
future.

#8. When he/she puts little to no effort in the relationship.
Every relationship requires effort by the duo. The same applies for
familial bonds, friendships, mentorships and most definitely love.
Both of you have to commit to the relationship together. If you are
constantly the one putting in more effort, sooner than later it’ll
drain you. You have to give more and more just to keep the
relationship afloat. Unless this imbalance is addressed, it will only
become bigger and bigger over time. Soon you sink your whole self into
it, losing your self identity in the process.

When you see relationships where one is investing way more effort than
the other, they are usually headed to doomsville. Some of my friends
were in such situations. They invested themselves into their
relationships and poured in their hearts and souls. Their partners, on
the other hand, only put in a fraction of that. They barely cared – it
seemed as if the relationship was just a nice add-on to their lives,
rather than something they really valued. Soon, said partners began
drifting away. My friends kept giving more and more, hoping they could
salvage the situation. This only slowed down breaking off process but
didn’t prevent it.

Don’t get me wrong – it is possible for a relationship to last even
when one party is putting in more effort than the other. However, are
you prepared to do that for the rest of your life? Is your ideal
relationship partner someone who doesn’t care to invest as much effort
into the relationship as you? I personally think all of us deserves
someone who treasures us fully, who wants to be with us as much as we
want to be with us. To have it any other way is like having a car with
a tyre busted – it’ll keep moving in a slant until it eventually
drives off the cliff.

#9. When your fundamental values and beliefs are different.
For any friendship or relationship to work out, there has to be
certain similarity in fundamental values. Similarity in these values
are the big rocks which will hold the friendship in place. Even if
other things are dissimilar, the big rocks will enable the friendship
to weather through even the toughest storms ahead.



#10. When the relationship holds you back, hence preventing both of
you from growing as individuals.

A relationship is ultimately a third entity formed due to two
individuals. Every relationship evolves based on how both parties are
growing. Sometimes both parties grow at the same pace. There are times
where the relationship is one of stagnancy, where both parties don’t
grow. Then there are times when one outgrows the other, by a large
margin.

When this happens, you have two options (i) change the dynamics of the
relationship to fit this new development, or change yourself  to
maintain the same dynamics. As I shared above, it’s most important to
first be true to ourselves. Determine who you are and who you want to
be, then decide if this relationship is one that is compatible with
you. A relationship that hinders you from growing into your own isn’t
the best one for you. On top of that, if you are not able to grow into
your own, chances are your partner is facing a similar blockage as
well. A real relationship should be one that enables you in your
personal life journey, so you can then enable your partner in his/her
life journeys as well.

#11.When you stay on, expecting things to get better.

This is similar to #1, except it pertains to the future. Just like how
you don’t live in the past, you don’t live in the future. You can hope
that the future will be better, but the fact is you live now. If the
only thing that’s making you hold on is the hope of a better future,
the relationship isn’t exactly built on solid grounds. The future you
wish for is one of the many possibilities that can occur, a
possibility that may never come to reality. It’s dangerous to base the
fate of the relationship on something that might not occur. A building
built on a shaky foundation will crash to an unsightly end when the
foundation gives way.

#12. When neither of you feel the same way about each other.

Things change. People change. If the feelings are no longer there,
it’s time to move on. Some of you might linger on in a relationship
even though the feelings are gone. Perhaps it has become part of your
routine and you don’t know what to do once you break away. Some of you
continue on because the relationship still serves certain functional
purposes, such as companionship.

Yet, a relationship without the mutual feelings is like a body without
a heart. There’s no soul or life in it. If you no longer have feelings
for the other party, staying on is doing the other person an
injustice. More importantly, it’s doing you a huge injustice. It’s
best for him/her and you to part ways so you can move to better
places.

If the other person doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, holding on
to him/her only drags out the misery. Realize that “True love doesn’t
have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one
way of saying I love you.” Just because you love the person doesn’t
mean you have to be with the person. True love exists outside of the
physical fabric of a relationship. This is just a form of expression
of love, but in no way is the single definition of love.

I’ll end off this article with a final quote:

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want
to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the
world, it’s the beginning of a new life.– Author Unknown

Monday, July 30, 2012

the PROMISE OF A YOUNG BOY








He was a child the time I met him. They used to be our neighbor. He was 7 years old while I am 10, his mother always told me to take good care of him. As time goes by, I saw the little boy grown up and transform into a handsome teenager boy. I know a lot girls go crazy over this little boy whom I treat always as my younger brother. Time flew so fast and my elementary days were over and I have to leave him. As I remember he was teary eyed during my graduation day while he was telling me that I'm gonna leave him. I just smile at him at that time and told him "you're old enough to take care of yourself". Then high school days come, crushes and everything came over...haha. But at that time I was serious with my studies though my crush naman ako but they are not my priorities..haha. I was in 3rd year level when this little boy came over into our school. I saw how those girls got crushed on this little boy I know pero gwapo na...haha. We still managed to say hi to each other, sometimes he asked questions about my crush and everything pero tinatawanan ko lang siya, sabi ko ano ka ba bata ka pa kahit a lot of girls go crazy over your handsome face. Then my high school days is over and then again we have to say goodbye's to each other and I know I'm gonna miss this handsome boy I used to take good care of. College days come and I need to transfer to city since malayo ang amin. I became busy with my studies and I rarely go home though I still have news about this little boy I used to know, instead na mag-aral siya he need to work because of financial problem of his family. Sometimes we still see each other and talk and I always tease him how many girls made him cry...hahaha.. and same thing with him he always ask me if I have boyfriend. I always tell him that having a relationship is not my priority, he always laughed on this thing. The college days is over, I became busy with my work and years passed I forgot already this handsome little boy. Isang hindi magandang ngyari na ngmeet kami ulit and talk, it was the burial of my lola. He approached and ask me if I'm ok, I smile at him and said "yeah". And then we talk everything since matagal din kaming di nag-usap. He suddenly ask me, "What age daw ako mg aasawa". I smile at him and said maybe at the age of 27 since I was still on my 24 and he was in his 21. Nabigla ako ng sinabi niya na hihintayin kita, natawa ko sabay sabi ikaw loko2x ka talaga noh isali mo pa ako, he was just stare at me and smile and the conversation ends there. And I think it was last year we meet again. I was at SM looking for a foam I guess forgot ko na what Ive been looking at that time. When someone called my name when I looked back it was the handsome boy, he was one of sales rep at SM. He approached me and ask if I married already. I said "NO" and tease him about the girl he got pregnant. He smile and said "Oo nga eh, I can't fulfill my promise to marry you", I burst into laughter sabi ko serious ka doon. Then he answered me ikaw lang naman hindi seryoso sa akin...napa owww lang ako...haha.. wala kasi ako maisip at that time co's for me he was just a handsome little boy I used to treat as my younger brother. 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

storm strikes








Lord God sorry for those times that I have questioned your way, sorry for those time I became busy with other things and we forgot about you...






These words catches my attention during the mass this afternoon. I felt so guilty. It strikes and eloped my soul. I closed my eyes and reflect those words. It made me cry cos I know I have done this thing not only once but many times. Sometimes, I forgot that things happen for a reason, it can give us a lesson and it can make us stronger.  But human being as we are, we are subject to our weakness, we can easily lure in our sadness, we always think the negative side of our story, iniisip natin if kaya if  this going to stop. But we never think the positive side of that story and the lesson that we might learn. Pero minsan we never think the sorrows we experienced were the cause of our own actions. God sometimes uses the most painful weapon to wake up us from our deep sleep because He don't want us to be away from HIM. He test us in so many ways, He let people come and go in our life, in some point they can make us smile, they can filled the emptiness that we had but the irony of it, these persons also can hurt us too much. Papa Jack once said "Ang buhay daw ang isang mahabang biyahi, madaming sasakay, marami kang makilala at ma meet pero minsan hindi mo napansin, nakababa na pala ang iba". I have meet different people in my life with different genras, some were young and some were mature enough that they can influenced me with many good things in life. 


But today just a minute ago I've been so happy, why? because, because my ever dearest friend of mine whom I miss too much make pansin over me...haha.. It's been few months since we have a cold war. I don't know what I have done why he suddenly changed, pero naisip ko sa tagal ng pinagsamahan I can say kilala ko na siya ng slight..haha.. I ask him but I got no reply so hinayaan ko na siya cos I know deep inside  I didnt do anything, and I know also one day everything will be fine, even before we have times na di kami ngpapansinan but we let the burdens pass until such time na maging ok na. I just hope na everything will be back to normal just like before...hmmm I miss him much...hehe

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Ghost in the Past..















Lately, I've been thinking a topic  to write but everytime I am in the front of my laptop I can't think of anything  I got suddenly immobilized but the funny thing is when I am in the middle of my work different topics will come in my mind..haha...  But yesterday while I was working I was also listening a afternoon program of Papa Joe, the Papa Jack of Cebu, he also give advises about love and anything. Then there was one caller who has a problem on love then after he give his advises to that certain caller Papa Joe plays song about lost love at same time teasing to the listeners like "oi naka remember siya or oi ng regret siya then oi nihilak na siya...haha" I was really laughing til my heart content. But I realized something in my situation am I ready to fall inlove again at same time to be hurt again...haha... It's been several months  I've been single and still counting...hahaha.. I was noting myself, am I really ready or the fear was still there?. Thus, this is it the first time I've been in this berth, for several times I stumbled in the agony of love...chusss...haha...Sometimes, I came to the point that I told myself that I don't want to fall inlove again but one thing I realized the more I fall down with love, the time I will go up the more I became more stronger...haha..chusss.. maybe I will just wait the time come that there is someone who come and can efface this fear...chuss

Monday, June 25, 2012

Every Now and then...







"Every now and then, you still cross on my mind...I don't why..but sometimes I was thinking, then I ever cross your mind even once in a while"












It's been a week since I go back to work again, I am supposed to be happy but honestly I am not because it's not the same place I work before, literally it is but the people we used to bond it's not the same.  Few heads were left in the office, the situation that we had is so sad to think, but we can't do nothing about this. Some of my friends was assigned to another departments though we can still see each other every now and then...haissstt... But this morning I was so tense, I shout out something in my FB account, actually that phrase didn't refer to anyone,haha... I was reading one of my unfinished stories then that word catch my attention thatswhy I post it in my FB account. I was really surprised when someone in my past also commented on that post. I don't know if he was really teasing me or anything, he claiming that he was that person but slightly true...nyhahaha... But I can't figure out why he was doing that thing, we are really good friends and he's happily married with someone else, we still talk every one and then. He was the usual mike I know a bit conceited and mayabang..lol...but if you know him in person, definitely he's not that kind of person but rather that's one of his sense of humor.lol...





Wednesday, June 13, 2012

such a boring day...









It's been 2 weeks since the last time I go to the office, yes!!!,  I was really bored, mixed emotions and everything. Maybe I'm not used to stay at home all day and night such a bad feeling. Last week, we tried maybe at least 5 companies with all fairness the exams and interviews was really hard..tsk..tsk. I miss my work, my PC and everything. I hate staying at home and there's no one to talk or maybe hindi lang me sanay. I became more emotional these past few days, I'm helpless, I felt that everything was against all my plans. I can't blame my friends who can't be there for me all the time since they're busy with their own life. Or I used with someone who always be there for me, someone who always ask me if I'm ok, or if I eat already, and definitely I miss that someone. It's been a month since the last time we have a proper communication and recently I noticed that we talk so rarely because I became so busy with my new challenge and maybe hes also busy doing his thing, and but I trully miss him. Since tinamad ako mg english ayaw ko na tuloy mgkwento,haha. But last week even we are tired in trying but we really have fun the kaba during interviews, then feeling if you pass that part then you have to proceed to another step then you realize that the technical exam is more difficult than the interview.hahaha. But the feeling is so great, the feeling of numbness that you can't even feel that you're hungry already even you're not eating for 8 hours..haha.. And then the destruction you feel because the interviewer was really handsome to the highest level...hahaha. Nakakatawa pala pag bored ka, kung ano ano maisip mo sa harap ng laptop mo, hinahalungkot ko na lahat ng website ng mga favorite authors ko para mambasa lang..haha... but I'm really bored and I realized the really meaning of this quotes...






when it rains, it pours and it works both ways...

Friday, June 1, 2012

Not all good things last..





While I was walking I feel the numbness, I only have 3 hours slept I guess, my tears keep falling every now and then. I know it was birthday but I don't feel any happiness, all I know I was so sad. I've been in that project for almost 7 years and I saw friends go one by one and the're are some stay and I'm one of those. And then in a sudden it was going down and we have to go in separate lives. I felt the future is uncertain, fears and worries strikes me I know I'm not the only one who felt this. I was thinking what happen next, I'm back to zero haunting for another job. Darn, I thought I'm not gonna do this but here I am..haissst... but this is life sometimes we are on top and sometimes you're on the other side. And yesterday was my birthday I was surprised some of my college friends still remembers that it was my birthday and I'm really glad. And of course there's someone who makes my day not so darn sad...hehe..I don't expect anything but still he makes way to make me smile and I'm really glad despite everything happens to me on that day. Thanks to him...hehe

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Last Embrace




It was summer night
I can smell the fragrance of the night
I was standing at the corner of the bridge
A smile draws in my lips
While I stray the beauty before me

I hear a voice calling my name
Far beyond my realm
I turn my head
I saw you in the other corner
Wearing a smile that can melt a heart of stone


Happiness conceal thyself
Words are hard to find while staring at you
I smile cast on my face
You make steps towards me
While I was being nabbed to where I stand

We laughed together under the moonlight
While the stars shimmers its sweetest gleams
We talk and chased like the old times
The night songs its coldest melodies to us
 Then those hazel eyes were intently looking at me
I just smile back then
Those eyes and smiles draws a part of me
You stray your eyes to the beauty beneath us
The night become old for the both of us


Then you hug me so tight
I found peace in those arms
I directly looked in those hazel eyes
And whisper words of tenderness

I’m looking at you while you walk in to other way
You turn head and wave your hand at me
A smile slues in my lips
And walk into the other way
Hope grows inside
One day our road will cross again

** I made this poem for my ever dearest friend, whom I miss so much I don't know what happen why you suddenly change.  I don't know if I've done wrong with you but everytime I think of you it always makes me cry cos I miss you so much, the happy times that we had...I'm so sorry if done wrong with you.... F. R...