Friday, October 19, 2012

Boiling point...

2 Nights of not in the mood of everything, Yes! I am in the bad temper. It's been several times that I don't write of what I truly felt because I am protecting someone feelings. I don't know when I started taking care of this someone, maybe from the time that he became my confidante of everything. I started to know him deeply beyond the physical appearance I've seen from him. One morning, I just woke up that I have the feeling that I don't want to hurt him anymore.

Yes, I just thought that he was the one that can cure the pain in the past. And yes, I will admit that I started falling with him, everything was seemed alright, I started to smile and pain in the past slowly healed. But everything changed that time I feel that I was neglected, sometimes I demand time especially I felt that I am only second in the list. By then, I started to distance myself from him, it’s not easy at first, its painful to keep distance from someone who teach to smile again. Plus the fact that he is far, far, far away from me, and the experienced in the past teach me not to trust anyone immediately. 

Recently, I have so much regrets about my past, memories hunts me every now and then simply because I am frustrated with my life, seeing them happy it brings a different feelings to me because envy eloped my whole being. Because inside me wishing that someday I can also be happy like them and not because I still have feelings for them.

Judging my action without asking me and making his own conclusion just because of what he reads breaks my heart. And one thing that can burst my temper kung paringgan ako through quotes. Why you can tell me directly to my face so that I can answer you properly and not spreading of what you believed with others. As you said you want friendship then I can give what you want. Let's stop what we have now and continue with darn life. Maybe I can get used to it and maybe its time for me also to open again with someone. I'm tired putting reservation into myself just because I care so much with the person. I'm tired of doing of that. I want someone who will take good care of me.

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